I Was Born Free

"We're all one thing, Lieutenant. That's what I've come to realize. Like cells in a body. 'Cept we can't see the body. The way fish can't see the ocean. And so we envy each other. Hurt each other. Hate each other. How silly is that? A heart cell hating a lung cell." - Cassie from THE THREE
Posts tagged "new york post"




Welcome to the tumblr party, New York Post!

You’re a little late to the bad pun party on this forum, NYP.

To our friends at the New York Post: May your headlines give us fond memories of the old Frontpages Tumblr, which someone needs to revive.


(and you’re not much better, Newsweek)

I was so befuddled by this article today, and I decided to become one of those crazy people who emails the writer.  Here is what I came up with:

Hey there Josh,

I am really just so fascinated by this piece that you have written for the Post.  

I am curious about a few things.  Obviously, the main thrust of your story is that the lackluster response to the blizzard was not due to poor planning and mismanagement, but because the unionized sanitation workers purposely sabotaged the response in order to make Mayor Bloomberg (who had dealt the Sanitation Department some harsh budget cuts/layoffs/demotions galore) look incompetent.  Your source for this is City Councilman & Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran.  Dan, it must be said, is a Republican/Libertarian, and Republicans/Libertarians are typically not very pro-Union (which, it must be said, is often said about your publication, Josh).  So, Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran is claiming he was “visited yesterday by a group of guilt-ridden sanitation workers who confessed the shameless plot.”  These guilt-ridden sanitation workers are so guilt-ridden that they want to confess to Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran without being identified by name for your story, Josh.  The guilt is obviously just too strong.

Now I am obviously no journalist here, Josh, but something does not add up in all this.  If these brave, guilt-ridden sanitation workers (who obviously exist) are telling the truth, then they should have little to worry about in identifying themselves. Our fair city would certainly embrace them as working class heroes.  They would be our Chilean miners, being lifted up from the collapsed mine of corrupt and scheming Union leadership by the likes of Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran and you and your publication, Josh.  But instead they confide in Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran in secret? This is certainly a strange tale you tell, Josh.  

Let’s say hypothetically, Josh, your bosses pressured you to do something immoral.  Like say,  write a flagrantly dishonest article blaming unionized workers for something that is clearly the fault of the government.  And hypothetically, let’s say this article is based on the tall tales of an eccentric politician who is part of said government.  Obviously, in the events of this obviously hypothetical situation, you would be in a state that most would call guilt-ridden.  In this guilt-ridden state, to whom do you turn, Josh?  Who will set you on the path to righteousness?  Your parents?  Your high school shop teacher that you still meet for coffee?  Your wife, girlfriend or (perhaps!) gay lover, Josh?  No, the clear choice is City Councilman & Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran, who Wikipedia tells me is still worshipping the Nordic deities Odin, Tyr and Freyr, among others.  Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran can listen to your hypothetical story, and then contact a (it must be said) notably disreputable publication so that they can put on their front page that *someone* *somewhere* said *something* to Fox News Contributor Dan Halloran.

While I have your attention, Josh, I’d like to discuss this picture of the sleeping sanitation worker in Queens.  Your piece mentioned that these guys are working “lucrative 14-hour shifts” (likely due to them being short staffed due to all the cuts/layoffs — pardon my connecting the dots there, Josh!), so am I really supposed to be *outraged* by this anonymous man succumbed to his own body’s fatigue and then had it plastered all over the papers like he was Lindsay Lohan?  And who is to say how long he was asleep?  Or if he was sleeping at all, for that matter?  I might need more information, Josh.  Is the Post in possession of a video?

And pardon me for getting personal here Josh, but when you’re burning the midnight oil doing all your fact checking at the New York Post do you ever find yourself in activities you are not technically supposed to be doing?  Like say I came upon a picture of you, Josh Margolin, at New York Post command central, knee-deep in a game of Snood.  Would it then be my responsibility to present that picture to your boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss (who I guess would be Rupert Murdoch, but it might just be the Dark Lord Beelzebub at that point) at a press conference and ask what the Post’s official policy on Snood is, and if you, Josh Margolin would be disciplined?  Perhaps I could circulate it around the city somehow with a headline like “Post Coast: Snood Dude Eschews Dutes.” (I am obviously a novice at this, but “Dutes” is slang for “Duties” that I just made up.  You like?)

Anyway, Josh, I think I have made my point.  I know you’re a busy man, so I will let you get back to working for that Pulitzer.  I’d like to recommend Kinkos for your next working class exposé.

Much love.